This Spring until Last week of May has been pretty Rainy (much much needed), cloudy, a bit chilly as we were wearing a second thin layer almost until mid may! Though since that humid, CALOR is back! with a bang and im always caught offguard...ah, what, NOOOOO, is this every year now.

Gaspaxcho, Orchata, Agua fria, Ensalada de Pasta y Sushi--- freezing in office, me trying to eat icecream/yoghurt as my body starts CRAVING it like mad and then ruining my digestive system for weeks (has become a ritual every start of the summer now) - ah summer is here indeed!

Meanwhile my experiments with nutrition continues. 

So far in the last 2 years my intolerances have gotten worse - ive started feeling low on energy both physically and cognitively and hence tried experimenting with supplements. turns out im allergic most supplements too, how fun! uff but the amount of digestive distress ive been through in the last year or so, im surprised and in AWE of the human body and its ability to heal and restore! What an absolute miracle of nature our body is! As an amateur practising budhist, this is one thing i think about from time to time - to keep me from repeating patterns of "self negative talks". Too bad i could have powered an entire Communidad autonoma for the last year and made good money, if there was a system of ATM - shit converted to energy! Too bad

Also why dont the south asians invent a hair to energy converter or atleast to make some material out of it! we have so much body hair - we can use this as a raw material for something, im sure! This is the problem with having old uncles in power in our country and the need to always simply ape the west!

Anyway seems finally ive found the answer in the form of creatine + a blend of venga protein including soy - to be in optimal physical + cognitive health. ofcourse not as amazing as whey protein but it is what it is, we have an expression in kannada - haneli barida mela an madake agute. Its like need to accept things you cant change!   i did and was happy in my own weird, kind ways----until i got hooked on this manosphere podcasts! PHEW! what a bad phase that was - it felt like for the last 2 years or so i took a wrong turn, did some nasty drugs, hung out with all the wrong people and was mostly miserable but pretending to like it coz of status? skewed self worth? coz i didnt get to hang with the coold kids in college? 

funny thing is i thought i had dealt with all these insecurities and had moved on and when i moved ot Sweden it felt like heaven as there si no sense of the old masculinity in the society there! So there is no pressure to be one not even the pressure to be somewhere close, hanging out in the vicinity so to speak. Coming back to spain, man such a disapointment, primarily due to complete lack of any activity in my dating life. it seems culturally women are attracted to the Papi´s and Jordi´s who yap constantly, molest the person atleast half a dozen times in the first 2 minutes of meeting alone! and also treading in the mundane and gossip! im not blaming the local culture ofcourse, coz im the fish out of water here. Es es lo que hay or like we say in kannada

 Spring 2024 en Barcelona

This has been close to "normal" spring, such a welcome relief from the last 3 years of unusual warmth and dry seasons....it has rained quite a bit though not as much as "needed" to recover completely from the drought. But its almost June and the weather is still cloudy, rainy with occasional heatwaves. Although most days is sunny still. 

Birth of niece in April! Happiest moment of the year.

Wedding to end spring - too much drinking! Checklist done, civil wedding though so the legal aspect was done in 15-20 mins with talk from one of the parents. Then off to a casa masia type restaurant for drinking/tapas/Cena/more drinking y bailar. 

Still waiting for residence permit renewal, dios, how long is this process here! 2 months y counting...

 Meditation Learnings

Today at Triratna Budhist center - just when you thought you know a little bit about Metta, in comes an experienced teacher and provides new insight!

Instead of phrases, first connect with the "intent" in yourself that wants to be happy and secure, rest with it (then it grows), then simply bring to mind a friend, neutral person, self etc Connect with the person, get a sense of their presence and then realize they have the same intent...and let metta naturally flow and expand.

when you are lost, come back to the bodily sensations/awareness, then connect with your intent again and the person.

Haiku

My first attempt at Haiku, after having heard about this on "waking up" Alan Watts series and being fascinated by a few i read.

" A Beautiful day at the beach...

Lovers loving, BLISS, GHOST!

ma, its dark again OR in my hiding place again"




which ending works best?

Most of you will get it, but just incase GHOST here refers to Ghosting.

 Winter 2024 en Cataluña

Warm weather lasted till almost Dec 2023, then the winter arrives suddenly. Some rain, but not enough to avert the drought which has been declared end of Jan. i remember using the heating ony for 1 or 2 whole nights, then a few days only for an hour or two.

sunrise and the colors, montjuic and the beach and the moon at night continue to mesmerize.

1Feb - today i followed the "waking up" app Life lessons on creating a sensory-scape of the neighborhood, today´s was mostly visual and its surprising how you notice things that you completely ignored in the past. Like the beautiful lamp post made of what seems to be iron, different plants and trees planted in an orderly fashion. Orange fruits still on the pavement opposite DIR diagonal park.

24 Feb - finally winter returns, it has been cold and bit of rain in the last couple of days, right in time, for my thermal bath day hike tomorrow! 

1April - So Spring started a bit weird, as it was warmer than usual and ofcourse the drought due to lack of proper rain in 2 years! But alas! all that changed in the last 2 weeks of March, we have had atleast 3 days of rain almost all day and night in Barcelona. Like i remember back in 2020 when i first came to Barcelona. Risk of drought has been averted as well.

My lactose intolerance is only getting worse, with every passing year. Just remember to NOT eat any icecream or lactose-free products, god this time it took so long for my digestive system to recover!

Saturday meditation in the Budhist centre routine im really liking, lets keep doing it.

Open your heart, not your wallet.


Can you recall the time when you had to face the thing that scared you the most?

I was standing by the main road, near my place when I saw a school girl happily walking by….as she was, a stray dog was approaching her and she responded with fear and instinctively moved aside.

 That got me thinking of the time I had a similar experience, Here’s my story
: I live in a neighborhood, which has a beautiful Hill nearby, surrounded by  by a mini forest around it. To complete the scenery there is a stream nearby as well, mostly sewage and garbage but nevertheless a stream. And my home is right at the edge, where the mini forest ends and the civilization begins. So there are birds of all kinds, for ex: nighthingales, parrots, pigeons, eagles others I don’t even know the names of.  Various insects and  butterflies as well. The pattern on some of the butterflies is so wonderful, that you can drool at it for minutes on end ….All this natural diversity is both wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time..
è So one day, I wake up and as usual get ready and come out of  the door to head to the gym. Now right outside the main door, there is a shoe stand….one of those old metal shoe stands. As I bent down half asleep to get my shoe, I saw a baby cobra hiding at the back of the stand. Now my first reaction was that of terror, of biblical proportions. When I say biblical, I mean a cacophony of Temple bells started off in my mind, women were doing the nagin dance, a village was on fire! Then I decided to consciously name and rejected my fear and observed the snake. The baby was petrified more than me, coz it had curled the end of its tail to the corner of the stand in a firm grip. And its head was oscillating from side to side, probably due to stress.
 Then I remembered one of the episodes from a Discovery channel show…where they cover the crocodile’s eyes, immediately after capturing it….to reduce the stress. So I got a big shoe box, opened the lid and placed the box vertically at one corner of the stand. Essentially closing one escape route.The box had depth and that corner now appeared dark just like the burrow the baby lives in. then I started tapping with a stick from the other end and as I did the snake started moving toward the box…..once it went inside the box, I carefully lowered it and closed the lid. Then my brother handed it off to a snake rescue guy he knew.
 So my conscious shift in mindset from that of fear to that of love and understanding….not only saved the animal but also helped me feel a kinship, a connection with the animal. Something I did not know I was capable of feeling, with an animal I was so scared of.

As a plan of action next time we see a dog, a transvestite, or a beggar approach ….Lets try to reject our fear and respond with an open heart instead of  an open wallet alone.

aurora borealis

"I still remember...
the first day we met..."

He was nervous, as usual, but excited too. Recollecting how his other first dates had turned out, through the popular dating apps. Meet...trying to impress each other, with fancy witty banter, mostly lies though. Then we depart and the process repeats with other potential soul mates...lol.

As he was in a reverie of sort. She arrived. A brief smile as they walked into the nearby restaurant. With a leather jacket on, she walked like warrior out on a stroll. Consumed by an Iron will to succeed, no doubt. yet had the compassion to be in the present, the here and now.

Thinking probably of her day, her students. If she had made the right choice by giving up a cozy corporate slave job to start her own Company and all the related anxieties. In all this maze, trying to accommodate society's pressure to be with someone. **Its hard though, because after a certain age, whenever you login to Facebook, you are flooded with pics and updates of friends getting hitched or "look i have had a baby pic" "baby got up from the bed look" BAM "baby realizes whatever it does is cute and will attract attention moment" WHAM "baby learning drama by aping mindless TV shows or the parents moment" THANK YOU MAM**

God its annoying.

Anyway They sat and indulged in "real" conversation that night. It was like they had known each other for a while, Even though they had only met. Conversations continued after they got out of the diner, by the roadside as the moon decided to pay Bright attention hither. There was a warmth sitting beside her and watching her talk and laugh and put on a thinking hat abruptly. A warmth he had not known, in all his life.

Like if you had been lost in a snow forest, wandering about in the piercing cold, that can freeze your heart's ability to "feel" at all.After years of fighting the cold and the dark, you come across a well built house. Received by the guests with an open heart and sit beside a fireplace and drink hot soup and feast on warm food throughout the night.While they introduce you to their family members and they all share their childhood memories and family stories till you are engulfed in a Cocoon of their warmth.
One of those rare moments, where everything just clicked and you wish the world around just froze for a while. In these times of instant gratification and rat races, its a long shot to hope to talk to another human being in complete sentences without being interrupted by the awful smartphones at least 900 times. They had a special bond that night.However love in the times of Globalization and Broadband is a mirage, on the rare occasion where the universe conspires, the magic or the bubble only lasts a meeting or two. Then its back to work, coz the loneliness inside is too brutal to dwell for too long but the intimacy is far more scary. The paradox of our times.

Nevertheless he thanks the Universe and its Random Chance, to have made this memory he can cherish a lifetime. A warm, happy memory engraved in his mind,

As warm as it was, "i have to leave you now. For i am a Bear by nature, i belong in the Cold Frost outside".